Marriott Waukegan

I gotta give it up to the merry band of web copy writers charged with making the Marriott Waukegan seem inviting and attractive. (Sorry. Official name is Courtyard Chicago Waukegan/Gurnee. Can't you hear the hotel operator?) The number one "highlight" of the hotel, according to the site, is the fact that it's non-smoking. Beyond that, the superlatives begin to fade.

Here are a couple of blurbs:

1) "Enjoy high-speed Internet access, premium pay movies and free in-room coffee. " I know I enjoy premium pay movies.

2) " Or relax in our lobby - a great place to unwind or meet with friends and colleagues." Everyone agrees. the lobbies of Marriott Courtyards are where everyone wants to meet and unwind.
Ah well, they tried.



If you're a serious reader of this blog, you'll notice the pattern's resemblance to the Doubletree in Santa Monica, which is kind of odd, as Doubletrees are owned by Hilton, not Marriott.

Kudos to Davezilla for this excellent shot. (He has a very distinctive style of photography; see Ritz Carlton Marina Del Rey photo in earlier post.)

The Doubletree in Dallas

Well, my Treo's been replaced, and I'm able to document again. I had the debatable pleasure of staying at the Doubletree in Dallas - or in typical over-inflated hotel hype copy, (complete with faux-British spelling) The Doubletree Hotel Dallas-Campbell Centre. Some issues of note: The hallway is not, at arrival, particularly welcoming (i.e. dim).



That's nothing new; perhaps the hospitality industry is trying to pitch in and save the planet by forgoing lighting in the halls.

What was unexpected were these white chunks on the carpet.



Oops, that dang falling plaster problem again. (You'd think someone working at the hotel would've noticed the hole in the ceiling, for goodness' sakes.)



But, no, I guess they were too busy polishing their resumes or something. Maybe the plaster chunks are part of the mysterious "ambient decor" referred to in the web copy:

"Our 300 oversized Guestrooms and Suites are geared for comfort and convenience, and are richly appointed with floor to ceiling windows and ambient decor."

Another interesting point. I've seen odd ice machine signs before, but this one now heads my list.



Too much stress. (By the way, I figure most people will take the elevator to get their drinks or ice, which probably negates any energy savings that would accrue by keeping the halls dim).

Help! I can't find my Treo

It has photos of my latest hall-a-rama, the Courtyard by Marriott in Newport Rhode Island. Will post as soon as I locate it. I know my recent lack of hall snaps is upsetting to the 8-10 people who read this blog.

Hyatt Monterey "Spa and Resort"

Why you should read the website before you book a room.

Exhibit #1: The Hyatt Regency Monterey.

The Hyatt Monterey is one of those flat hotels. One building for checking in, many other low (3-story) buildings placed decoratively around it. It's one of those hotels where you park your car, then drag your luggage into reception, where you are then shown a map to locate your room number, which is in a building 1/4 of a mile away. Then you drag your luggage back to the car and drive to your room. These hotels always have a herd of extended-length golf carts parked, driverless, around the grounds.

But anyway, here's what I didn't read before I left.

"There are big plans afoot for renovating the Hyatt in Monterey: "We are very excited to announce the commencement of our $45 million renovation project. The new Hyatt Regency Monterey – the only hotel in the city of Monterey located adjacent to a golf course - will remain the largest hotel between the San Francisco Bay area and Los Angeles, and will feature a stunning new full-service spa and world-class amenities for our guests’ enjoyment."

Thanks. I love big plans, especially when they're afoot.

Please note the tense. Will, will, will. Not is, is, is.

It's actually kind of grim. Dank, in a near the ocean kind of way. Unhelpful signage. I was in building #9. To get to my room, I had to actually go to building #10 to get to the elevator that served both buildings. The carpet had the biggest hide-the-vomit pattern I've seen in a while. (Sorry I didn't put my feet in the photo for reference purposes).



Then there's this odd emergency exit information. Like most hotels, it has a map that shows a handy "You are here" red dot, plus where to find the emergency exit and stairs. Unlike most places I've stayed, it also provides the location of the ice machine(s). I don't know why you'd need to know the location of the ice machines in an emergency. Maybe it's for super-nervous people who need a slug of gin before they can tackle walking down three flights of stairs. I'm not sure.

Stuck in the '70s in Little Rock

I like Little Rock. I like Arkansas, too, but it must be tiring to have to perpetually defend your state against ignorant blowholes who believe that everyone who lives there is backwards and chromosome-damaged. If you want to change your attitude about Razorback world headquarters, stay in one of the two really nice hotels in Little Rock.The Capital and The Jefferson. (Both are reputed to have been assignation locations for former Governor Big Bill Clinton.)

Then there's the Wyndham, where you're more likely to run into a high school class from Hot Springs checking out the capital, and generally tearing up the hotel, like teens are wont to do. (Come to think of it, they might attract our former President as well). The Wyndham could be a Smithsonian Exhibit of Hotel architecture, circa 1973. Check out those bricks! And that typography! Yeah, yeah, they've 'updated' the carpet with a more 'modern' design. (It actually clashes with the walls, I think. It might have been better to go retro and put in some shag). And that wainscoting certainly gives it a sort of quasi colonial feel. If you're hallucinating.

It's no use. The basic structure has all the charm of a DMV building. The Wyndham Little Rock also has the loudest in-room air conditioners my colleague has ever heard. And that's saying something. Maybe they hope abusing one sense (your hearing) will make another sense (your sight) less sensitive. Who knows? Let us repair to the hotel's Steakhouse. Or, if you prefer, the hotel's Steakhouse.

If you're wondering, (see prior post) yes, the hotel's web site does say that the hotel is "in the heart of downtown North Little Rock". I will give some props to the writer of the Wyndham North Little Rock's web pages for at least trying to add some words to the hotel-desciber's lexicon. Copied and pasted from the WNLR's web site: "Count on comfort and performance in a spacious guest room..." I'm going to start looking for performance in my next room, that's for sure. Photos courtesy of Casey "has anyone seen Casey lately?" Ingle.

Calling The Mayo Clinic

I think the "Hospitality Industry" must have done a massive secret survey of the traveling public and determined that every successful hotel web site must contain four magic words. "In the heart of". Either that or web writers have a secret fear they're going to suddenly collapse onto their keyboards with massive myocardial infarctions.
Here's the evidence, gathered solely from the hotels whose hallways I've posted about below.
According to their respective web sites:

The Amway Grand is "conveniently located in the heart of the downtown Grand Rapids' business and entertainment district"

The Sheraton Crystal City is "..nestled in the heart of Crystal City"

The Doubletree Santa Monica is "...in the heart of Santa Monica"

The Omni Chicago is "Located in the heart of the "Magnificent Mile"

The Jefferson is "Located in the heart of downtown Richmond Virginia"

The Marriott East Lansing is "Located in the heart of the downtown business district"

As a public service, here are some synonyms for these clearly over-worked writers to use. Middle, nerve center, core, hub, center, and nexus. Feel free to use one.

The Amway Grand

A very Calvinist hallway, I'd say, which fits perfectly with the Amway Grand Hotel's location in Grand Rapids, Michigan, home of former President Gerald Ford and the pyramid-scheme-disguised-as-"Multilevel Marketing"-phenomenon known as Amway. The Protestant purist ethos is in full bloom here, with a severly patterned carpet, functional toe moldings, discreet wall tones and inoffensive photographs. I will say, the red and off-white carpet is kind of a relief from the blue-dominant designs I've been treading on lately. And best of all, part of their web site appears to have been authored by the same writer who scripted the English-As-A-Second-Language exit sign at the Sheraton Crystal City. (See post below). Here's what it says, copied and pasted verbatim from the hotel's "In Room Amenities" page: "On top of that, you'll enjoy these thoughtful amenities for a more comfort stay:"

I'm all for a more comfort stay.

Thanks to Casey "on the road again and I'm still angry" Ingle for the photo